Monthly Archives: January 2012

Losing a parent

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I’d hate to start a post with a darker tone, but January has been a heck of a month.

My father passed away on January 13th. I got a message from my mom on the 11th, saying he is in the hospital and in a critical condition.

He has been suffering from Pancreatic Cancer. He did have a surgery in summer 2010, but they were unable to remove it all.

We, meaning my two brothers and my mom, were told that his Dr. hadn’t seen anybody last longer than two years. Last time I was in Sasebo, my brother told me I should spend good quality time with him.

Last time I saw him in person was back in May 2011, when I was home in Sasebo. I wrote a little bit about it here.

I talked to dad on the phone at one point, around Jan 11th or 12th, but he was incoherent. According to my brother, who was in the room, he was asking “which station” I was at. He had thought I was back in town…

Technology is an amazing thing. My brother was able to Skype with me over his phone and my younger son and I got to show our faces to my dad in bed. We didn’t get to talk much, but I’m sure he saw us. That was our goodbye. He passed away a day after that.

I wasn’t able to make the funeral, because of many reasons. I had a hard time finding a last-minute ticket that I could afford, and also in Japan funerals has to happen on certain days. I was crushed about it initially, but, looking back, I am almost glad I didn’t attend the service. I probably couldn’t take it. I arrived home a day after the service, around midnight.

Then my mom told me what happened. He went into the hospital on Dec. 16, and everybody thought he’d be out after the New Year. Last time I corresponded with my dad was Dec 2, his birthday. I had asked how he was and he said he just found out he had water in his lungs. In the email he had said he was “full of fear”…

Mom told me that he really wanted to live. He didn’t want to go. This breaks my heart.

I am still having a great difficulty processing my dad’s passing.

I am surprised myself how hard it is. Of course, you only have one father in your life. I always knew it would be hard, but didn’t know just how hard.

I was absolutely overwhelmed and grateful for all the friends’ support. I had a flood of emails, Facebook messages, Tweets and texts. I was especially touched by people who shared their personal stories. I had a few messages from people who also lost their loved ones, either recently or years ago, and they all said they are still hurting.

More than few people told me losing a parent will forever change you. I am just learning exactly what that means.

While I was in Sasebo, I slept in the same room my dad’s shrine was. I was half expecting to see him in my dreams, but that didn’t happen.

I got to have a look at my dad’s phone. Under “family” folder in his email inbox, there was the email I sent to him in December. He also had lots of emails from his colleagues (he worked in just one company his whole life- typical Japanese business man) wishing him to get well.

I don’t really have a point on this post. I think I just needed to write it. I still miss him very much.

 

2011 Year in review

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I see many friends uploading their “Year in Review” posts and I’m finally sitting down to write it myself.

Looking back, 2011 was a busy year for me. I am not sure if it’s neccesarily a bad thing though. I’m just re-reading my posts from this year and reflecting.

Here are some of the big moments of 2011.

- Dove Singing in the Rain campaign.

In February, I flew in to Toronto with 13 other fabulous women to film a web commercial. The shoot was a lot of fun, but what I got out of this project was handful of really amazing friends. We live all over Canada, but we constantly connect and share through social media. The experience and the friendship is definiately something money cannot buy, and I am so grateful for them.

-Japan Earthquake and Tsunami

As I read my past posts, I could see March was a rough month. I wrote about running into my friend, and re-reading this post got me all tear up. They are still in Japan and she is getting treatments.

Then the 311 earthquake happened. I didn’t write anything about it on this blog, mainly because I didn’t know what to write. What can I write when your home country is hit by the biggest disaster since World War ll? I still remember the hopeless, devastated feeling I felt while watching all the TV footage. I was asked to talk on a national TV show and I barely got to speak as I was crying. It’s been 9 months and still 300,000 people are without homes.

Then amazing Victoria community all came together to put on Hope Love Japan fundraising event. The event was a huge success and we have raised over $14,000 CDN and have been donated to Canadian Red Cross.

-Trip to Japan in May

Because of the earthquake and Tsunami, my plan to visit Japan with my kids have been changed, and I ended up going by myself. I was there about two weeks, and thought this might be my first and last time to visit Japan without kids. (Turns out I am doing it again in February 2012)

I visited my family in Sasebo, Nagasaki, and then I also stayed in Tokyo for a week. Believe it or not, this was the first time I spent so much time in Tokyo, and I had an absolute blast. I met many online friends there – many from Tasukeai Japan team where I volunteer. I even got to meet Chief Cabinet Secretary, that was cool.

I met up with many online friends and we got to discuss social media. There is a huge gap between how social media is perceived and used in Japan and North America, and it was fascinating to learn that. This made me realize one day I would like to the work to connect them together.

-It’s all about social media

Last half of 2011 were filled with many social media events. I was a part of Social Media Camp again this year. Great to see Jayagain and meet Amber for the first time. See how much fun we had?

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Also, Russel and I had a one year anniversary of Getting Engaged show. We are thankful for all your support and hoping to kick it up a notch in 2012.

In October, I was back in Toronto for Blissdom Canada. It was so wonderful to see all the online friends.

Then I also did BlogWorld LA in November. This is the year I finally started to see that I am part of this industry. I stopped to feel insecure about exactly what I’m contributing to the industry, just that I am part of it.  I met so many amazing people like Chris and Jacq, and they continue to inspire me on daily basis. For that I am very grateful.

-I fell in love

As you know I have been single since I separated from my ex-husband. I have dated here and there but I was almost just as happy to be by myself.

This all changed when I was in LA.

Did you hear about this guy’s ghostwriter story? I do remember catching it on Twitter(pretty sure it was Scott Stratten‘s RT). At that moment I had no idea who he was, but I read the story, thought it was funny, and went about my day.

In early October, my friend Dan hosted his usual High Noon Hump Day Lunch Tweetup. (He does this on Wednesdays.) I do remember I was on the fence about attending. Maybe I was feeling lazy. But I went anyway. Little did I know he was the guest for the tweetup and Dan had interviewed him over Skype. I tweeted about it and later he thanked me for it -and that’s how we met. I already had the plan to go to LA, so we met up- in fact, he picked me up at the airport when I landed in LA, and we have been together ever since.

The funny thing I learned about myself over this experience is, when you meet someone you have been waiting for your whole life as your dream man, you freak out. I came up with all kinds of excuses for not being with him. It’s the fear…fear of failure, fear of getting hurt again, fear of judgement, etc etc, that prevents me from being courageous and just go with the flow. Luckily, I came to senses and now I have never been this happy.

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Finally, this is not a popularily contest, but I wanted to thank few people who has influenced me this year.

Jason Kolt

I met Jason over Twitter and we met up for coffee earlier in the year. I remember we closed down the coffee shop. He is sensitive, creative, funny and although we are both so busy and don’t get to see each other too much, I feel he gets me. I hope to spend more fabulous time with him in 2012.

Chris Guillebeau

I’ve read Chris‘ “The Art of Non-Conformity” few months ago, but this is the year I realized he’s the man I really want to learn from. I want to do what he does- work location independently and travel. I am hoping to attend World Domination Summit(WDS) in 2012 and learn and grow.

Mike Vardy

Mike is the productivity expert and writer based right here in Victoria, and I got to have some interesting chat with him later this year. I value his opinion and perspective greatly, as I know he and I share a very similar view of the industry. He is the one who recommended I attend WDS. I feel as though he is my senior coalleague.

Steve Hof

Steve owns Sauce Restaurant and Lounge in Victoria. He and I became friends around June and we always have the best conversations. He is passionate about his restaurant, social media and giving back to the community. I also want to thank him for pointing me into Crossfit. I started training in the fall, and as hard as hell it is, I am still doing it. It is a completely new workout program for me, but I think I actually enjoy it. So, thanks Steve.

 

Overall, 2011 was a busy, exciting, and also a tough year. But I don’t believe too much in looking back. I believe in looking forward. So, here’s my farewell to 2011 and I am excited to welcome the new year.