On Having Your Own Judgement—30 Day Challenge Day 2

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stockfresh 917341 judges gavel with old paper sizeXS 300x200 On Having Your Own Judgement—30 Day Challenge Day 2

Today’s post is about something I’ve been pondering for the last few months.

On judging people. It’s a little different from “being judgemental”. I used to be a very judgemental person. Now that I’m close to 40, I do my best not to be judgemental. Who am I to judge anyone? 

However, being judgemental and judging somebody based on past interactions—or compatibility based on personality—are two different things, in my opinion.

For example, my old friend G—who is a good person—has a certain trait that can be translated as childish and self-centered. He is still my friend and I care about his well-being, but I stopped being the person who try to save him from his troubles, because I  often found myself that I was the fool who did not see his true colors. Now I do. And I feel agitated sometimes as he comes across, to many people who only knows him on the surface level, “very giving person.”

On the other hand, I have this very eccentric friend who I adore, but his unique personality and flakiness has people talking that he is “weird” and he is somewhat unstable.

I don’t think we are wrong on each of our own judgement. If I like “Mr. A” and somebody else cannot stand him…that is OK. It’s just the way we feel about each person.

We unintentionally label people around us—either the person is trustworthy, reliable, or  ”all-talk.” I try to not to be tied too much to these labels though—sometimes someone I always thought was a complete jerk turns out to be a compassionate friend. And of course, vice versa.

What is interesting, is when your opinion about a particular person matches the opinion your other friends have of that same person. In that case we may say the person in question has a certain reputation. I have recently discussed this on Getting Engaged. If my negative opinion about someone is outnumbered by the positive opinions of others about him/her, that’s no problem. However is does propose an entirely different question: Would you change your mind about the person based on what other people are saying? How much are we influenced by what other people think when it comes to how we view other people?

Where do you draw the distinction between judging someone and being judgmental?

  • http://twitter.com/mma323 Masafumi Matsumoto

    Being judgmental sounds to me that you have a fixed view and stick with that view after you judge someone or something.

    Judging someone or something is an act, whereas being judgmental is an attitude.I do believe that we better avoid being presumptuous, but practically, we are full of assumptions and we do need assumptions to make it easier for us to take action upon assumptions. I don’t mean to suggest we should be completely assumption-free. Instead, we can be aware of assumptions we have and be ready to change our assumptions where these assumptions turn out to be incorrect.This kind of attitude, I believe, will lead us away from being judgmental. In short, what I’m saying is this: try to judge well and change your judgments right away when it’s necessary to do so.

    • http://twitter.com/YukariP Yukari Peerless

      Very well put! I agree. Thank you :)  

  • Doug Brown

    Good question Yukari. I am not so ego-centric as to think that my impressions of someone are all-inclusive. I have friends whose opinions I trust, sometimes above my own. But ultimately we all have our unique experiences with others, and if Person A is an asshole to me, I don’t care what you think of her. She is still and asshole to me. :) Yikes, sorry for the bad language!

    • http://twitter.com/YukariP Yukari Peerless

      Thanks Doug. I agree with you and I feel the same—I don’t care how much person A is admired, once I “judge”(not being judgemental) his or her place in my head, it rarely changes. However, sometimes I wonder if I should reconsider my opinion when I face many opposite opinions. I sure find it interesting. 

      • Doug Brown

        Relationships are chemistry-based and different chemicals produce unique reactions when introduced to each other. That’s just science. I can acknowledge the bad reactions, but then go focus my energy on the positive ones.

      • http://twitter.com/synxiec Quis!

        I wouldn’t say you should reconsider based on what people say even if they outnumber your opinion, but I would be open to re-evaluating my opinion at any time if they behave differently; people change and we should allow for that.