Category Archives: Life

Let the light get in

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3526877915 91902455e3 z 300x200 Let the light get in

(Photo credit:  Family O’Abé)

First month of 2013 is more than half way over.
2013 is going to be a great year for me. I just know it.

I didn’t do official “resolution post” here, but what I want to be mindful of this year is to practice Wholehearted Living. I read Daring Greatly Let the light get inby Brené Brown last year and I can say it was one of the most important books I have ever read.

Living wholeheartedly means leaning into fear and discomfort, believing that you are worthy of love and belonging, and embracing vulnerability. Seriously, if you haven’t read the book, you should.

I had one of those “bad day” yesterday. I was tired, and despite my effort to live every day being kind to others and let go of controlling anything, some people got on my nerves. My resentment to others got the best of me and I slipped off from being Wholehearted.  I even bitched on social media—bitching on social media is equivalent of drunken phone calls in the 90′s—it seems like a good idea at the time, but the next day you just want to bury yourself. Then my great friend Raul messaged me. Basically he said “I saw what happened online. The person you dealt with is in a lot of pain. If you can find in your heart to forgive them…” His message brought me back to the wholehearted mindfullness again.

When people rash out or say mean things, it’s often because they are in pain. I’ve been there. And I forgot. And Raul reminded me. Thank you, Raul.

Then this morning, I just read Brené’s latest blog post “Light, Love and Martin Luther King, Jr.” I love this quote — “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, Only love can do that.”— that is also mentioned in the book.

And what she says here, is exactly what happened to me last night;

When there is darkness in the world, I can slip into the dark place. I can start rehearsing tragedy and let my fear take over. I can turn to blame even though I know that blaming is simply a way to discharge pain and discomfort and has nothing to do with holding people accountable.

One of the many important things I learned from Daring Greatly on living Wholehearted Life is, to be kind to yourself. It’s about letting go of perfectionism and telling myself that I am enough. I slipped, but I’m only human, and all I can do is to own it, and not to make the same mistake again.
My other favourite quote in the book is by Leonard Cohen’s song “Anthem” that goes like this;

There’s crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

We are enough. Let’s let the light get in.

 

20 Thoughts on life

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IMG 1020 300x300 20 Thoughts on life

1. Be careful when you are giving advice. Most people will ask for your advice and never follow it. You can’t control what they take away from you and/or if they take anything away at all.

2. Your thoughts become your reality. I always thought I would live overseas. I don’t know why. I just wanted to. I didn’t know how I’d do it, but now I’ve been living in Canada for close to 15 years.

3. I have so many people I like who cannot do anything for me, yet I would do anything for them. It’s not that they worked hard to be liked by me. I just like them. To be liked genuinely, I think, is powerful.

4. Raising a bilingual child is extremely difficult. It’s a lifetime commitment.

5. Think with your own head. But in this socially connected world, sometimes you can fall into trap by asking for people’s opinion. I’m guilty of this too. Similarly: Ask questions.

6. Connect with at least one person daily in a meaningful way. I write down every day who I’ve connected with that day in my day planner.

7. I am a woman before I am a mother. And I am proud of it.

8. What doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. It’s true.

9. It’s OK to show your weakness. I mean it. In other word, if you act like you are perfect and strong, not many people will feel connected to you. It’s OK to be human.

10. If you are not learning from your mistakes, you are not really living. Read:If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules 20 Thoughts on life

11. Grow a thick skin. I have always been the “nail that sticks out”(Japanese proverb) and been called names or spoken ill of. Feel sorry for those who have to speak behind others backs. What others think of you is none of your business.

12. Habit is a scary thing. I remember my elementary school teacher saying this. I’ve only lived in Canada for 15 years, but I say “Excuse me” in English when my shoulder touches stranger in Japan. Weirdly, I say “Ouch” when I hurt myself. Similarly, getting used to things desensitize you. This is seriously frightening.

13. Treat children with respect. They are sensitive and they remember more than you know. I still remember things my mom taught me when I was 3 or 4. Such as, never to waste any rice, never wear a plastic bag in your head, how to crack an egg, and so on.

14. Japan has so many signs everywhere telling you to do/not to do stuff. “Please do not smoke” “Please stay inside the line” “Please do not use your cell phone” I think this is really messed up. One of the reasons I cannot live there any more.

15. Don’t misunderstand your self-worth within the context of people you hang out with. Just because you hang out with “famous/important” people, doesn’t mean that you are.

16. Show up for your friends.  People will always remember that you were there for their special moments.

17. Hone your BS meter. Just because your friends say something/someone is amazing doesn’t mean you should follow suit.

18. “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” -C.S. Lewis

19. Use your imagination. Imagination = thoughtfulness, kindness, generosity and more.

20. Be fearless.

 

This post was inspired by Craig McBreen and Julien Smith. Thank you.

One year…

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One year from the biggest earthquake and Tsunami in Japanese history.
Where were you last March 11, 2011?

I was here, in Victoria. That day, I went to see my son play in school musical. He did so well. I came out from the theatre, so proud, when I looked at my phone. I found several tweets from my friends talking about big earthquake in Japan. Some tweeted to me asking if my family was OK.

What earthquake? Where?

I got home and turned the TV on. What I saw there was devastating footage of Japan’s Tohoku area being destroyed by Tsunami.600450 One year...

It is hard for me to describe the feeling and sensation I felt while I was watching all the coverage. Have you ever experienced the fear of your home country being destroyed? The terror of mother nature. Big buildings and cars, swallowed by giant waves within seconds.

The helplessness. Hopelessness. Guilt. That overwhelming sadness.

It was stressful enough for me, who was merely watching it on TV, in a country 7500km away. Imagine what it’s like to be there. Your family, your house, your friends, your pets….all gone.

Last night, I watched a special TV program on 311 on TV Japan. On the show, they were reporting updates of each municipalities. Nothing, almost nothing is back to normal. The debris are still there in most of the municipalities because there are no means to clean them,  and so much empty lot there, as nobody wants live in fear of another Tsunami, and/or because the foundation there is not strong enough to build anything on. Many people are moving up on the hills, but there are not enough housings, and of course there are so many delicate and complicated issues such as needs of elderly, schooling, small businesses, etc.

thumb 500 ph7 One year...

Since 311, several friends and I put together Hope Love Japan fundraiser here in Victoria and we raised $14,000 CDN. I’ve also joined Tasukeai Japan to help with translation.

And now, it’s been a year.

Just like any other disasters, I know this has literally become “Last year’s news” to some of you.

Yuuki, my friend from Tasukeai Japan (Tasukeai means Supporting Each Other), who’s been to Tohoku to help out, said to me;

“For the people in Tohoku, what they fear most is to be forgotten.”

How do we keep it from withering away?

Tasukeai Japan and their amazing volunteers created the video above to send the messages from Japan to the world.

330,000 people are still displaced. 3,000 people are still missing. This is far from over.

Please share the video. We want any people as possible to see it.

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for supporting. Thank you for remembering.

Special Thank You to Daisuke Yamamoto who created the video! 

Losing a parent

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I’d hate to start a post with a darker tone, but January has been a heck of a month.

My father passed away on January 13th. I got a message from my mom on the 11th, saying he is in the hospital and in a critical condition.

He has been suffering from Pancreatic Cancer. He did have a surgery in summer 2010, but they were unable to remove it all.

We, meaning my two brothers and my mom, were told that his Dr. hadn’t seen anybody last longer than two years. Last time I was in Sasebo, my brother told me I should spend good quality time with him.

Last time I saw him in person was back in May 2011, when I was home in Sasebo. I wrote a little bit about it here.

I talked to dad on the phone at one point, around Jan 11th or 12th, but he was incoherent. According to my brother, who was in the room, he was asking “which station” I was at. He had thought I was back in town…

Technology is an amazing thing. My brother was able to Skype with me over his phone and my younger son and I got to show our faces to my dad in bed. We didn’t get to talk much, but I’m sure he saw us. That was our goodbye. He passed away a day after that.

I wasn’t able to make the funeral, because of many reasons. I had a hard time finding a last-minute ticket that I could afford, and also in Japan funerals has to happen on certain days. I was crushed about it initially, but, looking back, I am almost glad I didn’t attend the service. I probably couldn’t take it. I arrived home a day after the service, around midnight.

Then my mom told me what happened. He went into the hospital on Dec. 16, and everybody thought he’d be out after the New Year. Last time I corresponded with my dad was Dec 2, his birthday. I had asked how he was and he said he just found out he had water in his lungs. In the email he had said he was “full of fear”…

Mom told me that he really wanted to live. He didn’t want to go. This breaks my heart.

I am still having a great difficulty processing my dad’s passing.

I am surprised myself how hard it is. Of course, you only have one father in your life. I always knew it would be hard, but didn’t know just how hard.

I was absolutely overwhelmed and grateful for all the friends’ support. I had a flood of emails, Facebook messages, Tweets and texts. I was especially touched by people who shared their personal stories. I had a few messages from people who also lost their loved ones, either recently or years ago, and they all said they are still hurting.

More than few people told me losing a parent will forever change you. I am just learning exactly what that means.

While I was in Sasebo, I slept in the same room my dad’s shrine was. I was half expecting to see him in my dreams, but that didn’t happen.

I got to have a look at my dad’s phone. Under “family” folder in his email inbox, there was the email I sent to him in December. He also had lots of emails from his colleagues (he worked in just one company his whole life- typical Japanese business man) wishing him to get well.

I don’t really have a point on this post. I think I just needed to write it. I still miss him very much.