Fear Cannot Hold Us Back

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Yukari

I don’t need to recount what happened in Boston today.

I was heartbroken. Devastated. Scared. Depressed. Why would anyone do such a horrible thing?

My first reaction was, fear. I thought I couldn’t go to a place with a large crowd anymore.

I wasn’t going to post anything , but I saw Patton Oswald’s Facebook status and this hit so close to home I just have to repost it.

I have seen something similar. It was probably an year ago. I was driving home after picking up my son from daycare. I was on a two-lane road and was just about to slow down at a traffic light. Suddenly, a big truck in the right lane of me drove up to the sidewalk. It was one of those monster-truck type vehicle so it was easy for it to pull up over the curb. I wasn’t sure what the guy was doing. Immediately the driver of the truck threw the door open and ran out towards the traffic light. This is when I noticed there was an accident at the traffic light. Motorcyclist was cut off by a car trying to turn right. At first I thought the truck driver was upset as he was held up because of the accident. But soon I realized: He saw the accident, pulled over, and jumped out of the car to help the injured. He suddenly became a hero to me.

This quote from Mr. Rogers is circulating on social media today and this is another positive reminder of humanity.

I also saw several tweets today about Boston Marathon participants running straight towards hospitals to donate their blood.

“The Good outnumbers you.” And we cannot be afraid. If we start being afraid of darkness, they win, because that’s what they want. We just have got to be brave. Fear cannot hold us back.

20 Thoughts on life

Posted on November 4, 2012 by Yukari

1. Be careful when you are giving advice. Most people will ask for your advice and never follow it. You can’t control what they take away from you and/or if they take anything away at all.

2. Your thoughts become your reality. I always thought I would live overseas. I don’t know why. I just wanted to. I didn’t know how I’d do it, but now I’ve been living in Canada for close to 15 years.

3. I have so many people I like who cannot do anything for me, yet I would do anything for them. It’s not that they worked hard to be liked by me. I just like them. To be liked genuinely, I think, is powerful.

4. Raising a bilingual child is extremely difficult. It’s a lifetime commitment.

5. Think with your own head. But in this socially connected world, sometimes you can fall into trap by asking for people’s opinion. I’m guilty of this too. Similarly: Ask questions.

6. Connect with at least one person daily in a meaningful way. I write down every day who I’ve connected with that day in my day planner.

7. I am a woman before I am a mother. And I am proud of it.

8. What doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. It’s true.

9. It’s OK to show your weakness. I mean it. In other word, if you act like you are perfect and strong, not many people will feel connected to you. It’s OK to be human.

10. If you are not learning from your mistakes, you are not really living. Read:If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules

11. Grow a thick skin. I have always been the “nail that sticks out”(Japanese proverb) and been called names or spoken ill of. Feel sorry for those who have to speak behind others backs. What others think of you is none of your business.

12. Habit is a scary thing. I remember my elementary school teacher saying this. I’ve only lived in Canada for 15 years, but I say “Excuse me” in English when my shoulder touches stranger in Japan. Weirdly, I say “Ouch” when I hurt myself. Similarly, getting used to things desensitize you. This is seriously frightening.

13. Treat children with respect. They are sensitive and they remember more than you know. I still remember things my mom taught me when I was 3 or 4. Such as, never to waste any rice, never wear a plastic bag in your head, how to crack an egg, and so on.

14. Japan has so many signs everywhere telling you to do/not to do stuff. “Please do not smoke” “Please stay inside the line” “Please do not use your cell phone” I think this is really messed up. One of the reasons I cannot live there any more.

15. Don’t misunderstand your self-worth within the context of people you hang out with. Just because you hang out with “famous/important” people, doesn’t mean that you are.

16. Show up for your friends. People will always remember that you were there for their special moments.

17. Hone your BS meter. Just because your friends say something/someone is amazing doesn’t mean you should follow suit.

18. “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” -C.S. Lewis

19. Use your imagination. Imagination = thoughtfulness, kindness, generosity and more.

20. Be fearless.

This post was inspired by Craig McBreen and Julien Smith. Thank you.

With your own head

Posted on September 28, 2012 by Yukari

There are a lot of gurus, leaders and rock stars out there. It’s almost like designer brands – “I subscribe to so-and-so’s newsletter.” “I’m doing so-and-so’s online course.”

There are certain thought leaders many of my friends seem to follow. First I was judgemental. I thought it was too mainstream to follow these people. And then I felt worried, if I should be following suit and be the fan of this said leader, because surely that many friends cannot be wrong about this person.

These days, we are so connected online, it’s too hard not to crowdsource. Know of a good massage therapyst? Which app should I be using? But we should never crowdsource for your opinion. What should I feel about this? Should I be the fan of XXX?
You need to think with your own head. If you don’t know what to make of a person, learn about him/her. Then make your own judgement. If you end up loving the guru, who cares if your friends think you’re a fangirl. Or if you decide the person is not worth your time and attention, just move on. It’s that simple.

On Having Your Own Judgement—30 Day Challenge Day 2

Posted on May 28, 2012 by Yukari

Today’s post is about something I’ve been pondering for the last few months.

On judging people. It’s a little different from “being judgemental”. I used to be a very judgemental person. Now that I’m close to 40, I do my best not to be judgemental. Who am I to judge anyone?

However, being judgemental and judging somebody based on past interactions—or compatibility based on personality—are two different things, in my opinion.

For example, my old friend G—who is a good person—has a certain trait that can be translated as childish and self-centered. He is still my friend and I care about his well-being, but I stopped being the person who try to save him from his troubles, because I often found myself that I was the fool who did not see his true colors. Now I do. And I feel agitated sometimes as he comes across, to many people who only knows him on the surface level, “very giving person.”

On the other hand, I have this very eccentric friend who I adore, but his unique personality and flakiness has people talking that he is “weird” and he is somewhat unstable.

I don’t think we are wrong on each of our own judgement. If I like “Mr. A” and somebody else cannot stand him…that is OK. It’s just the way we feel about each person.

We unintentionally label people around us—either the person is trustworthy, reliable, or ”all-talk.” I try to not to be tied too much to these labels though—sometimes someone I always thought was a complete jerk turns out to be a compassionate friend. And of course, vice versa.

What is interesting, is when your opinion about a particular person matches the opinion your other friends have of that same person. In that case we may say the person in question has a certain reputation. I have recently discussed this on Getting Engaged. If my negative opinion about someone is outnumbered by the positive opinions of others about him/her, that’s no problem. However is does propose an entirely different question: Would you change your mind about the person based on what other people are saying? How much are we influenced by what other people think when it comes to how we view other people?

Where do you draw the distinction between judging someone and being judgmental?